Loving the unloved

A few words about an overlooked side of the struggle with substances -- that is the devastation on relationships and the impact on those close to the individual who is using. (I like to call these people "Heroes")  The shock of learning that a friend or relative is involved with drugs can be overwhelming. The experience can be likened to a sudden automobile crash. You didn't know it was coming. Once it happens, you are overwhelmed with the impact and the heart-breaking realization that there's no way to repair the damage.
Often the revelation of substance problems arises in connection with another crisis, sometimes with criminal connotations. This combination can be too much to handle. Established substance abuse prejudices and opinions of flawed character, along with other negative attitudes can easily defeat the newer ideas that these addictive problems are the result of illness and not crimes.  This, too adds to the pain. Shame, guilt, blaming and a host of other negative feelings add to the suffering along with floods of backwards looking questions: "When...", "What if...", "How..." and, the persistent, "Why...".
At the end of the day, as the dust settles, thoughts must turn to the future and new questions, "What to do?" "Where to start?"
When the disaster strikes, no one needs to tell the person at the center of the crisis how bad things are. He is probably the most aware of the seriousness of his situation and his shame, guilt and disappointment are likely greater than that felt by anyone around him. Hopefully, the crisis will become a turning point. A beginning from which every minute, hour, day, week will be a new struggle. Loneliness, pain and general misery usually have a firm grip.
One idea perhaps, is that a simple showing of love would be helpful. At the point where there seems to be no love left, a tremendous amount of good might come from a kind word or an expression of care. Needless to say, love is just one (though essential) ingredient. In addition lots of discipline, support and hard work will be needed.
The love offered needs to be mature, honest, realistic, and, often, tough. This can involve a redefinition of  relationships, and new attitudes towards many aspects of the lives and roles of those involved. It can be a complex and difficult endeavor. The point here is that, the expression of love at the time of the revealing of the situation can set the compass for all that is to follow.